Relationships are like fish tanks: they look prettier from the outside.  Perfection is just an illusion created with the chosen scenery.  Looking from outside it appears like all the fish are swimming around content in their little compartment. We create these beautiful underwater scenes, but are they really happy?When I was in my early twenties, raising two little boys on my own, I was barely making ends meet.  I would go to their school functions alone whenever I could take off from work and always felt like I wasn’t giving enough.  I was defining my parental skills based on the perceptions I saw of the P.T.A. moms (their underwater scenery always looked perfect).  They had the bake sales, the fund raisers, chaperoning trips, and so on.  A lot of them didn’t work and were always at the school supporting their children.  I could barely make it out the door with both of them without forgetting my keys.  They were two years apart and extremely opposite personalities. I was trying to survive on little income, a stressful job, traveling outside of the state for work training, and having two little ones in a town an hour away from my immediate family.  I was basically in a reality show like “Survivor” without cameras following me around.  I was too young to understand that things aren’t perfect when you measure others up to your own life.  The tanks and fish bowls are all man-made!I realized once I had six children that those perfect packages of being the P.T.A. mom are illusions.  I gave them all I had with love, patience (not so much at times), understanding and constant assurance for their safety.  I worked full time, kept a household and a business running, and tended to all their doctor appointments, therapists, and activities.  The four kids from Romania needed to feel as if they weren’t going to be abandoned again.   This is still a full-time job with some of them.  The scars left from childhood are deep.I don’t know much after twenty-three years of raising children that can be passed down to anyone else.  What worked for me might not work for the next person.  Each child is different and there are no set rules for any of them.  Every relationship that comes into our lives plays its own part in our stories and drama.Now, with the two youngest ones about to turn seventeen I feel tired.  I am depleted of all parental guidance at times, constantly reminding myself that I am doing the best I can.  I don’t know how anyone starts a family in their forties.  My oldest son always tells his younger siblings that the woman they have as their mother was not the same one he had growing up.  I pick and choose my battles now.  I don’t pay attention to the smallest details of irritation.  I allow them to find their way and give them more room to make mistakes without the fear of them getting hurt.   It’s hard to watch those we love go through any kind of pain and being a mother seems to magnify this anxiety even more.We are all two waves away from finding the ocean treasure that best suits us. Relationships are challenging.  I guess we are all swimming in one giant fish bowl trying to find ourselves, searching for the perfect little Nemo who lives in a Disney fantasy.  Some days I feel just like Dory swimming with the flow without a clue to where I am going!