I’ve had a relationship with someone for sometime.  It is a friendship that has managed to stay put for almost twenty-five years. It works because we are magnets to each other but in the most unusual unrestrained way.  I realize that the attraction is in that uninhibited ability to find comfort through distance.  There is an uncanny ability to remain remote and when we are together find the most amazing closure between two people.  We can’t find that over the phone, via text, through emails, or letters.  It is only available when we sit together in front of each other.  In the presence of one another we are pure harmony.Somehow time doesn’t matter.  We don’t seem to be affected by space and any universal quantum structure.  We pick up right where we left off without missing a beat.  And, yes, there are times I wish that we held on tighter and promised each other that things would work out in a loving fashion as a labeled “romantic relationship.”  There are many times we don't speak for a while and I wish one of us could admit that missing each other is not normal.  But the dynamics of this relationship is in the act of being unattained.  No questions asked, nothing gets shared that isn’t relevant to our union.  The drama of everyday life gets placed in a distant shelf and what we find is the easiness of two people who enjoy each others company.  There have been many times when one of us has crossed the line with wanting to make it into something that it’s not and the friendship suffers for a period of time.  I imagine those close to us cannot find a label for this on-going relationship.  I, myself, have had to expand on the parameters of what it is and isn't.As I look around at all my other relationships and friendships I realize that how I work best is with the adjective: unrestricted.  I am there for those who need me but I refuse to be chained or attained in such a way that feels constricted.  That goes for all my relationships, whether it is as a mother, a lover, or a friend.  Those chains that tied me up for years have disappeared.  What’s left are the scars of that bondage.  And, many still try to control the woman they were used to controlling. It is a constant reminder of how I used to live…with an everlasting torment of judgments and intolerance.The more time I spend alone with me, the easier it is to desire that freedom of coming and going.  I love  returning to a place of truth within me.  And, yes, a romantic relationship seems beautiful.  I am a true romantic at heart.  My very core is love and romance.  But what I know about me is that there is a price one must pay with being in a “relation-ship.”  You have to be willing to relate and stay put in that role.  You have to be willing to work at it.  The right love may come and it must be easy. It has to be in order for me to dive in.  Right now in my life, I have to be honest in realizing that I can’t do it.  It doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to be in one in the future.  The most important relationship right now is that of getting to know this middle aged woman.  It has been four years since I left the old me.  I am still trying to figure out how to iron out my kinks.  There is also an issue that throughout this time I have become selfish with my time.  I enjoy the silence of my mornings, the ability to be with me and others without an agenda, and the unlimited power to pick and choose how my day will evolve.I remember years ago watching Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts.  There’s a scene in the movie that she makes several different types of eggs.  Every time she was in a relationship with a man she acquired the way he liked his eggs cooked.  Once she was alone she takes the time to find out what way she likes her eggs.  That’s where I am right now.  That part of the movie is a great metaphor on how we lose ourselves in relationships.  We acquire another person's taste and behavior, often forgetting about our own needs.  I have finally figured out how I like my eggs…and they vary with each day!