Many years ago... a lifetime... I was in the process of figuring out how to leave my first husband with two little ones. It was an extremely abusive relationship. Not just emotional but physical as well. I had an incredible uncle who I spoke to weekly. I never told him about the abuse. Just shared that I needed out.

He suggested I write a Pro/Con list. So I took pen and paper and made two columns. I was to share all the pro's that enriched me in the relationship, then all the stuff that was absolutely not helping me. The visual was supposed to help me see the level of love and respect as opposed to the lack of appreciation and love.

When I looked at the list I realized there were hardly any pro's... only con's. I left him shortly after and luckily he disappeared and never looked back for his two sons.

I was over ten years into another relationship/marriage, with six kids. I had shared that story with my husband years before. One day he brought me a thin board, long nails, and a hammer. He asked me to nail all the good he had done for me and the kids into that board. He asked that I take my time. Within a few days I had a board with over a hundred nails.

He took the board one day and flipped it over, exposing the sharp nails coming through. He then asked me to hammer all the nails that represented something he had done wrong, hurts, or whatever. I began to think about it while pounding the nails out of the board.

When I was done I realized there were a lot more nails that represented the good in our marriage than the bad. I stayed a lot longer in that relationship until those nails needed to be pounded out. I stayed until there was nothing to hammer out because the relationship got stagnant and I outgrew him on many levels.

Sometimes we stay too long in a relationship. We keep thinking that it will change. Other times, especially nowadays, we don't stay long enough to work through the issues. We give up at the first sign of imperfections and mistakes.

If you make a list (whether is about a job, relationship, moving, or anything else) you begin to see the imbalance and actually start to figure out what works and what doesn't. When trials and hardships live in our minds, without putting it outside of you, they keep you imprisoned. The mind has a tremendous ability to make things worst than they are or overanalyze the challenges.

Make the list. Or take a board and pound the good and then the bad. Whatever is left is a visual to where you are and what you need to address. This exercise is about being honest with yourself and truly seeing!

You've got this! I love you.