JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE IT

Last night during dinner Kali Rose, who is 8 years old, told me I didn’t believe in God.

“My friend told me if you don’t go to church you don’t believe in God.”

“I respect your friend’s opinion but God doesn’t live in church. He, or she, is everywhere. God is here, out there and inside of you.”

“Hmmmm. Well I believed her. And how come I don’t see God?”

After a long conversation I said, “Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”

Luke interrupts, “I believe in God, in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy… ahhh Spider-Man, Batman and Hulk!”

“See, your brother has a list.”

Hours later we snuggled in bed. Kali fell asleep with her back against mine, her curls brushing against my neck. I could smell her beauty.

Luke was in that in-between space of here and dreaming. I told him, as I do often jokingly, “Stay little. Don’t grow up!”

“I have to, Mommy. I have to make you coffee.” This started months ago when I told him I wish someone would bring me coffee to bed. He told me when he grows up he will. “I’m going to be a Matty-cuter and bring you coffee!”

I laughed. Matty was a young man who used to cut our grass. He now calls all landscapers Matty cutters.

“I’m so glad you know what you want to do when you grow up. I still don’t know what I want to do.”

“Mommy, you can be a police officer.”

“Nah! That’s not my thing.”

“You can be a mom. You are good at it. You are silly and funny and have lots of kids!”

Laughing, I said thank you but I mean something else other than doing the hardest job in the world.

“Well, what do you like if you could do anything?” He is fours years old!

“I want to breed and train unicorns.” I said this giggling.

“Let me think about this,” he says and I laugh out loud.

“You are going to train them to fly?”

“Unicorns don’t fly. They have no wings. Those are Pegasus. People get them confused.”

He had his fingers intertwined in mine. I was rubbing his forehead. And then he said, “It’s okay if no one understands what you want to do with unicorns. Just because they can’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t exist!”

Ladies and gentleman, he is the Unicorn. He listens and understands. These are moments of tenderness. They enrich my soul.

Millie