I slept two hours last night. I finally entered a state of deep meditation and visited with God at her casita in her beautiful Caribbean island. She was waiting for me on her porch with a cold glass of chai tea sprinkled with cinnamon.

"There's ma' girl!" She got up and kissed me. She always smells like fresh roses.

I sat next to her on the rocking chair. It began to rain through the jungle and the sound was intoxicating.

"Nothing like the rain in a tropical setting." She said while holding on to my hand. "It's always a masterpiece to witness."

"I feel broken today." I began to cry. “I have lost my footing and I can’t grab the reason I am still in this life. I don’t know how to help…!”

"My sweet Mildred America, you cannot fix everyone and everything. The reason you are struggling with water issues in your house (for years and today) is that you try to hold on to things that should be flowing."

I had no water at the house. The landlord had no clue what needed to be done. Then a few hours later I got a call from Florida about my daughter had given birth to another baby girl and they needed to find placement.

"I feel guilty for not taking the baby girl." I could barely get the words out. She got up and put her hand on my heart.

"You have taken in two of her children. You saved her life from a Romanian orphanage. You know, I understand the need to fix our children. I have over 7 billion ones I want to constantly help, fix, and not have them struggle. You are here to learn. You have free will. You grow through every single lesson. You don't have to feel responsible for every baby that she brings into this world. Your heart is so big and precious. I feel you, sweetheart. I also know that this shame you carry isn't yours to hold on to. This is part of allowing the flow of life to move through. See how the water issues keep coming up? You aren't flowing. You are pushing."

I was quiet. When we let go... we flow, we move, we allow. In every other part of my life, I allow and flow. This mother business is crucial to me. I tell God that the laws need to change, that they aren't protecting the children. I say a lot. She rocked, listened, and loved. The sacredness was palpable.

"You are the perfect person to create a better place for children. Transfer your mother energy into that. You ARE the divine feminine. Do not feel guilty for not taking on another child. You have millions of children who need you to help shift the energy and create safety for them."

I was with God for a long while. Hours passed and we sat on that porch listening to the rain. I could smell the soil coming up with the humidity. It is home. She asked me to allow for healing. She said I had many beautiful experiences ahead for me because I was clearing out massive karmic cycles that no longer served me.

She took a deep breath and exhaled, "A mother's job is never done. It doesn't matter how old you are, or how old they get, it is a constant reminder of the rhythm of life. You incarnated to change these little lives. But you cannot save every single one of them. It's not your job."

"It's yours!?" I felt shame after blurring it out. She didn’t flinch.

"It's each one of you. Each human comes into the world with lessons they want to experience. There are levels of consciousness within each class. The higher the level, the deeper the lessons. You get it. Faith is knowing and accepting that there is an action to everything...." She went into a profound explanation that I had a harder time grasping. In the midst of it all the sun came through the trees as if a clearing was happening in my own body.

"Now, you have experiences to live, loves to have, and joy to share. You never let one bad day bleed into the next. That's the tenacity of a strong heart who knows how to let go. So, let go of this baby and know she will be fine where she lands. There are others who need to love and be loved."

I left through the forest until I returned to this realm. My heart was at peace. The deep conversations with God always return me to purity, self awareness of how small we are with an infinite capacity to connect and love. The answers are simpler when I am with her and I am reminded that she’s always with me.

I love you,

Millie