The One

Recently on a trip to my therapist, whom I hadn’t visited in almost 12 months, I was made aware of the parameters I place on relationships. I had a deep heartbreak months ago. The person whom I thought was the greatest love of my life wasn’t. My therapist asked me if he was “The One?” I asked her why I needed to come to terms with labeling any man in that category. (And I know how much it irritates her when I answer with a question). I sat there thinking, Hmmm, they have all been “The Ones.” Each relationship I’ve had, and I haven’t had that many, have been in their own special way “The One.” Follow me on this….We have giant status quo, concepts, ideas, guidelines and categories for the great loves in our lives. They have to have this and that in order to fit the criterion that best suits our lives. The reality is that the perfection of what we desire is all an illusion. All my relationships have had the makings and the footprints of being “The One.” I have been entertained with several personalities of being “the greatest” at something. They have had several labels and titles. I’ve had the one giant narcissist. I’ve had the worst kisser, the greatest comedian, the generous one, the most amazing cook, the best lover, the one that got away, the runner, the fighter, the broken one, the compassionate one, the hater, the abuser, the teacher, the fixer, the psycho, etc. I am certain they all have names for me as well! Each man has allowed me to grow in ways that have attributed to me and my desire to learn a valuable lesson. I don’t see mistakes any longer in my life. I accept them as opportunities to learn priceless guidance from the Divine. I have no regrets of my past relationships. With any bad memories I can fill the gaps with wonderful ones.To label one human being as “The One” is truly foolish, and a way of shortchanging myself in this life. Great loves do not appear out of nowhere. They arrive at the perfect timing to what we need to assimilate. Each heart break brings with it a powerful understanding of our own reflections in the world. It’s sad and beautiful, simultaneously. The synchronicity of the union is always magical. People are attracted to one another for a million reasons. When the union is no longer the same (or the parameters change) we blame the other person instead of taking responsibility for our role in it as well. It takes two people to make a loving relationship. I would hate to put all the blame and efforts on the other person. It is not only crazy but very egotistical.I think I left my therapist feeling a bit baffled, or not. I guess she wanted a deeper concrete answer from me. I won’t be seeing her for a while. I think I got my answer sitting there trying to make ends and tails at the loss of this extravagant recent union. I got it. It was splendid, short, sweet, and full of a great release of emotions I had bottled up for a lifetime. That’s the benefit in speaking with someone who is not bias about your life. You get to examine yourself from different points of views and perspectives even when the realization and epiphany comes right from yourself. I realize now that I am in no rush to meet the next “Great One.” I am finally learning to live with “The One” in myself.