Midpoint Assessment

It’s the midpoint of my birthday month.  I have done a lot in the first 14 days.  I took a healthy cooking class, created my first Indian meal, visited new hiking spots and waterfalls, and traveled to Charleston.  I walked an amazing beach there, and ate in Downtown.  That city reminds me so much of Old San Juan with its Spanish architecture, felt a little homesick.  I’ve bought several great outfits in Goodwill, explored a few new roads through the mountains, read some excellent spiritual books, and even went to see my therapist after an entire year of absence.  I took my last Reiki class certification and have done long-distance healing work.  I was able to visit the Biltmore Estate and witness the blooming of the tulips which was spectacular.These past few weeks have also guided me to write some intense letters to people I believed I hurt throughout the years.  Surprisingly, all of them got returned with beautiful notes of forgiveness and letting go.  I am even trying to mend the relationship with my eldest daughter who had her second child a month and a half ago.  My daughter arrived into my life at the age of 11-1/2 from Romania and never quite bonded with our family. It’s been several years that have placed a quiet distance between us and the time has arrived to slowly integrate our relationship. Now that she’s a mother she can accept love in ways I could have never shown her.  Hopefully, I will make it to her home in the near future to meet my beautiful grandchildren.  If anything, accomplishing this task was well overdue and, as the adult, I needed to be the first to mend.  There’s something so humbling about finding your way back to the unpretentious beginning.  My children have always grounded me in this department.  I am thankful that they continue to teach me valuable lessons about love and compassion.  As with everything, time can only tell what beauty this journey will have for me.I have always prided myself in being strong and weak at the same time.  I fall a lot and pick myself up while trying to not look back.  I have tried to relinquish any egotistical qualities in the past year.  Even when it doesn’t feel good, I now sit back and try to find a way to get through the emotions, like water finding its way through a creek.  It will do just about anything to keep flowing.   You can put rocks, boulders, and logs along the way but the water will find a little space to get through.  Emotions break dams and barriers whenever they have to be released.Today my best friend and I painted the gazebo on our property.  We have a few weddings here this summer.  We also took a waterfall apart in the creek and lined it so it would work properly.   So far so good…looks like it has been there for years.  These mundane acts, although tedious, brought such joy to my birthday month.In a few days I will be turning the same age that my mother was when she gave birth to me.  I think about this often and don't know how she did it.  I am so blessed to have my time as opposed to starting a family.  I am at the age of exploration and excitement. I am selfish with my alone time, the time spent with my kids, family and friends.  Each day brings joy.  I am a sucker for surprises.  I live to receive them.  The simplest things as the arrival of hummingbirds or a new chipmunk in the lawn put a smile of my face. I am truly a goof ball when it comes to silliness.I can’t imagine where the next 16 days will take me.  This birthday has been full of beauty, simplicity, excitement, surprises and adventures.  I’ve had amazing company visit and teach me so much.  I was able to finish several writing projects.  Who knows what will appear in the next two weeks!  I welcome everything with sacredness and love.  Letting go of pretenses and plans is exhilarating.  I am always brought to tears when the unexpected comes and visits.  Surrendering to the Divine keeps guiding me into the unknown and I’m loving all the miracles!