I Need To Change

The Dalai Lama says that “love is the absence of judgment.”  I agree and realize I must be the first to change.  I judge those who judge others. It starts with me.  How do I do it? How do I refrain from my own discrimination, ignorance, evaluations, and misunderstandings?  I know words are impeccable so if I don’t begin in changing my language there is no difference in me and anyone else that I am judging.Love is the absence of everything unjust and the presence of all that exists.  To truly love we must accept those who are different.  I sit listening to the background of news as my husband watches on the Internet and I get irritated.  I glance at the images and scenes from the Middle East, Europe, Africa, and home. I hear all the political mumbo-jumbo, the promises, the state of anger that politics and religion bring up in our world. I don’t know how to stay in my own skin and not judge the hatred and bigotry.  I am no different.  I have my own conceptual ideas about how the world would be run if everyone put down their weapons for five minutes and looked at each other as brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, and friends. I have my own beliefs about waking humanity up and showing them how all of this crap is a game of illusions and a way to control the masses through beating them with fear. We need five minutes of staring into another’s soul. We need to try and walk in their shoes without attacking first.  I cannot understand the harshness, the reasons for these wars, the mass killings, and the way they derive from belief systems.  I understand fear. I understand hatred because of uncertainty and unknowns. I understand the things that create injustice.  I am not blinded by this reality that is created by the collective groups who feed on our anxieties and fears. I am no different in the emotions that conjure up and the rage that appears from a place that’s ugly, uncomfortable, and unrighteous.  I have my own beliefs. I just don’t go around slapping people to wake up with a lavender twig to smell the fragrance of love.  My hippie mentality cannot change how anyone thinks or can it? Can I just allow the love in spite of the indifference? Absolutely!Words! All we have are words.  I am learning to use mine wisely.  I am adjusting the filters and stepping back many times to share what needs to be said without diving into the drama. Yet, when I am alone in thoughts and prayers I beat myself up for not setting a boundary, not saying my truth, and not really participating fully in another’s issue.  Ego is a bitch in solitary moments. Isn’t this judgment?  How am I to love deeply if I don’t let it all go?  I feel and believe that I love wholeheartedly.  I love fiercely with an immense amount of compassion for the weak, the hurt, and the misunderstood.  I am a sucker for the underdog.  It is the ones who know better that I have a problem with and test the perception of acceptance.  It is said that we project and reflect from one another.  What does this say of my character?  When events like this happen my judgment goes up and creates a barrier where the light of love can’t even get through.  I need to change! I need to love without choices, without picking, without deciding who really needs it more.  Who am I to manage such immensity of emotions while selecting the human race? Who put me in charged of The Judgment Police Department?  I don’t get to learn from the ones who agree with me.  I get the opportunity to reflect, refrain, and restrain from those who hurt me or don’t agree with my thoughts.  They are the best of teachers.  So, I do need to change and will make the effort immediately.   I don’t want my love and trust in others to die because of my lack of knowledge and empathy for their beliefs.  Who am I to create such turmoil of energy unto another?   I want love to live in me, through me, from me, and be without any stipulations.  Even when another is coming full force with hateful words, judgment, and ignorance I want to have an open heart while setting healthy boundaries.  The most challenging process of these archetype lessons is staying grounded, present, and accepting that which is different.  It is in that difference that the world resides fully.  It is in that moment of impact when another is being hateful that love lights the way.  Oh…I do need to change, evolve, and mature in so many ways to be considered a loving humanitarian. I need to adjust the sails in this journey with letting go, forgiveness, and awareness. It starts with me.  Can you join me?“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” ~ Anais Nin