The Things That Make Me

"Sometimes when I talk I don’t say anything and when I listen I only hear sounds. I used to be embarrassed about this but I know now that these are the quirks that make me.  At times I let go of love so it can find its way back and I marble at its return as if the spell of the world is broken and I can reach out while my heart expands wider. There are so many times I smile without a single reason making me look a little strange to those around me. Often times I can smell rain before it arrives and I am stopped with such surprise at how the earth is connected to me. Whenever I laugh, God holds my heart, especially when I am hiking alone and each tree, branch, blade of grass suspends me in mysticism.  Sometimes the best cup of coffee is the one shared with a friend and at other times a glass of wine with a friend solves the world’s problems.  There are many moments that I witness Divinity when looking into a stranger’s eyes and at other times a kind word from a stranger becomes a mood enhancer that leaves imprints of stories untold. I am forever grateful for those moments of sharing with someone who doesn’t know my history or judges me for past mistakes.  Sometimes holding someone’s hand is all that matters, wiping tears is an honor, and just being in silence with them is priceless because being present is an invaluable gift.  Every day my children teach me the art of being human, how to fall and strive for better, and how to love unconditionally regardless of how much I mess up.  Compassion and joy are underrated these days.  I want to always show the lighter side of heaven through my laughter than the darker side of hell through a scorn.  There have been times that lovers have left little parts of themselves in my soul forever and I am grateful for those pieces that mold and hold me as part of the present life.  I love how my mate can touch my hand and nothing else around me matters.  His whisper can trigger a smile or a tear and I am lost in a world of intimacy for a while where nothing or no one can reach me but him.  Sometimes the filtering system in my mouth is malfunctioning and I say things that do not come from me.  It’s not really an excuse.  It’s the way things are when spirit moves through me to leave a message for another.  Sometimes when I stare at the night sky I wish I could fly and then I am reminded that whenever I meditate I can feel God cradling my body in the heavens and when I pray I can feel His touch in my hands.  Many nights when I dream I travel to amazing places from the past and the future.  Sometimes all I need is a pair of warm socks to change a sour mood; the smell of a sweet candle to remind me of another life; and a great book to take me on an incredible journey.  At times my thoughts get lost in translation and I dislike when someone tries to correct them.  There are times I talk to rocks gathering them in my hands and they answer with loving gratitude for being held so close to my heart.  I ask permission to take the ones that look like hearts and place them in jar to always recall that love is solid and strong. I take long rides through new places to see if I get lost so I can find myself somewhere in the middle of what I am searching.  Sometimes I just have to scratch my head and admit I know nothing realizing how difficult we make this living thing called Life.   There are rare times that I cry because I am being touched in spirit and letting go is the only answer.  Sometimes when I meet a special soul I want to dive into their heart forever because it only takes a second to realize how precious life really is, and how we are all connected to one another… always.  And, sometimes, in rare occasions when I close my eyes I can see the world inside of me loving and expanding through the center of the universe in Oneness.  It is then that I know you and I are one…forever."