Dying to Live
We die a little every day. We are born into a journey of endings. Things begin and end. We don’t know the day we are to transcend or leave this place. Our existence is not written with a known expiration date. I have a HUGE issue when doctors tell a patient, “You have two months to live. You have an X amount of time.” This act stops the person from living. It stops becoming about life and all about dying.
A friend of ours was here for a few days. He has cancer. He’s dying. He knows it and so does everyone else. I am dying as well. I might have a day or I can live 40 more years. I have no clue when it will happen. I am not focusing on that last moment. I am living to the best of my ability with the days I get gifted every morning. But, seeing him living fully these past few days…well, a part of me struggles to accept that he has days counted for because of a disease. He’s healthy. He is brilliant. He is tenacious and hysterical and is living on his terms. I admire him to a degree that I didn’t know possible. He isn’t just existing waiting on a deadline. He is moving through these days waiting on the gift of miracles surrounded by love. Ultimate time tells everything. And time, my friends, is also our ally when it comes to truly accepting and letting go!
Somehow we get so focused on the end. We forget that every second is a new beginning. We try to control our lives and others fearing the moment we are to die. I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid of not living fully. I am frightened of not sucking the joy out of this journey because of a bad day or situation. I am terribly mortified by the thought of taking another day for granted because of obstacles. I want to live. I want to live like I haven’t wanted to live before. I want to meet like-minded people with laughter and intelligence. I want to hear their stories. I crave to touch and love and dive into their journey. We connect this way. So…NO…I am not afraid of physical death. I am, however, consciously aware that I forget to live every second to the fullest. I forget to breathe and let go at times. I allow my humanness to take over and I get angry for a moment. This passes. And, when it does I recall lying on a hospital and returning from my own short death to find that life is precious. What a gift! What a magnificent ride!
We entertain anxiety because of fear. We fear because of not being able to control. We control because we have been taught that we have a say. We have a say because we are programmed to believe that the ego can actually fix things. In the end it’s all a lie. We can’t control anything. The illusion of life is based on internal experiences of the outer world. Our perceptions guide us and in moments make us very ill. We have no say or control. All we can do is travel with our heads up, love, laugh and truly learn to live. We are not merely existing. We are surviving all that is thrown our way and we should be spiritually evolving because of everything that we experience on the path of life.
My friend is dying. His presence allowed me to stand back and watch grace and how it looks to know that there might not be a tomorrow. He is doing it with love, laughter and faith. The shock of his illness allowed ego to die first. Now, it’s just a matter of releasing all control and moving through moments with acceptance. We can all learn from the ones whose days are expiring through illness. He might have days or years. His timing is in the hands of God. These folks who have so much to conquer become our biggest teachers. Mine left a few hours ago and I will forever be grateful for his time. I love you, Dun. Thank you! Until we meet again…soon!