I've Spent a Life

I have ran aroundthe truthof ever knowing what I knewwhile denying my intuitionthe right to decideand adhere to its validity. I’ve spent years,time and energy,avoiding this truthand here it isdirectly in my face  --I can’t disregard its motion any longer;I can’t avoid its existencewith its ugliness and rawness…I can finally let go and fly free. It’s been years,but it feels like yesterday,for the depth,the ache,the humiliationhas arrived witha surprising forceallowing ego to take the driver’s seat. I will not wallowin self-pity,self preservation,as I know Karmahas no expiration date. You were always so eagerto point out to the worldmy flaws,my human traits,in every situation thatarrivedthat was not in accordancewith your universe. I have no use to continuethis confirmationthat breezed into my lifewith today’s rain,rattling leaves,breaking branches,causing a mild floodso I can finally terminatethe need to soften our memoriesto our children,our friends,and specially to myselfwhile making excuses forour failures. I’ve spent a liferunning from those thoughts,the traumas created by dictatorship,and I finally feel the breathof divinity guiding me throughany dark moments. Benefit of doubtis only good for thosewho can truly change.I forgave you long ago,even when I didn’t know,even when you twisted and turnedall truth.Forgiveness wasn’t for you…it was for me. I spent a lifefalling in and out of lovewith myselfbecause of you…but tonightI finally know the truth:you never deserved meand my whole-hearted trust.