Healing through Surrender

Several months ago while traveling through Peru, my husband and I had some intense conversations. In all the years we've known each other the trip allowed us to open up and tell the stories within the stories. We were walking a plaza in downtown Cuzco when I shared that I had left everything with my first husband. He listened. I didn't realize I hadn't shared the details of my break-up when I was 22 years old with two babies. He knew the bullet points. He knew the Cliff Note version. He had openly shared some personal things about his previous marriage from when he was younger. I shared as a matter of fact without even seeing the reoccurrences of so many other things. "You realize you have a pattern, right?" He said looking at me across the table in the most quaint cafe of the plaza. "What do you mean 'a pattern?' With what?" I asked."You have walked away from three different relationships and have left everything behind. You have lost money and other things....” He shook his head in agitation. It was an aha moment of sorts. One thing is to know it and another is to see it as he pointed it out. I stared outside the window watching an indigenous woman walking her two alpacas. He went on to take a tally of the things I left behind: money, houses, cars, businesses, and the last one was a huge dream which I had for decades. We discussed "my pattern" to extent. But, I let him know that sometimes when the issue is so large, that it starts to destroy the purpose of your soul navigating through this life, the only thing to do is let go. Completely! Even if it includes leaving everything behind. Especially if includes breaking away from toxic energy. I rarely look back. It’s a waste of energy and time. It truly serves nothing for my creating of the future. Until...until I am hit with a blockage of trying to buy a house or pay for something to help others. Then a bit of anger arises for allowing those folks to bulldoze their way into my naive inability to fight for what was righteously mine. I’ve lost a lot of money. And things. But, I believe peace is priceless. But when I experience that anger, coming from Ego, I step back, quiet the mind, and allow myself to return to divine surrender. I cannot change the past or any choices I made then. Leaving toxic relationships was survival. Money is energy and it returns. Always returns. Things can always be replaced. You can look back at patterns in your life. I will not be leaving what’s mine anymore because I am very conscious of the types of people I now attract into my life. I will not be placed in that type of situations. There are casualties in every war. Sometimes it’s people. Other times it’s places and things. What I have learned is that by walking away I made a clear path to any karmic debt. Some would say, including my husband, that I am too nice and that I deserved to take legal actions in everyone of those past relationships. I, however, feel that my life has been enriched by all the lessons those three experiences taught me. I have grown and evolved spiritually because of them. They will always be considered blessings in my life. It’s important to let go. And when you do be mindful to truly allow the universe to align with your dreams and desires. Always return to love. The love and respect you deserve for yourself.