Attached to the Detached

Yesterday I shared this post on social media:

My darlings! I do a thing every evening before bed. I erase every conversation from my phone. Every email, text, message. Everything! If it’s important I take a screenshot and save it for a bit. But I keep nothing unless it’s utterly important. I have zero attachment to much of anything.

I’ve been like this since very young. So, if you want me to go back to an email or text or message… please help me out cause I haven’t a clue what was said.

I honor the moment. This moment. I will be present and then I’m out. It’s not for me to keep. It’s clutter and energy that I don’t really entertain.

Folks seem to get frustrated with me when they want me to revisit a conversation that was months ago. I can’t. Let’s start a new conversation.

Years ago I worked with a man who did the same thing. We both laughed at this ritual. He did it weekly. I have not met anyone else since then.

I’m the purge queen. You? What do you keep? Why? Unless it’s something about my children from my children, I have little to nothing of momentos.

At the end of my life I’m taking nothing so why not start now.

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Comments were wonderful to read until a man (I don’t remember ever friending him) made a rude comment due to his on religious beliefs that stopped me. I removed the post. I sat with that comment and I am so grateful. I think that sometimes people demonize each other in order not to see their own demons (using that word because he used that word). We are intrinsically programmed to act atrociously when we are hit with something that isn’t in our reality. In his radical beliefs and rash comment, he opened me up to understanding something:

Perhaps I am attached to the detachment! Perhaps in my desire to have zero attachments in my life, I am attached to detachment which is a HUGE attachment.

I grew up in a home that had no privacy. Then I was in relationships that questioned everything about me. The men would go through my journals and private things. I learned early on to not write anything of true value that would be misunderstood. I also deleted anything and everything. Even though I am no longer in those relationships, and I have nothing to hide, I have been conditioned for decades. And, it feels good not to have anything lingering anywhere.

Is this neurotic? Perhaps for another person. For me, it’s freedom. It’s not just technology. I don’t keep much of “things.” Clutter gives me anxiety. I have family members who are hoarders and it was hard to be in those spaces. I am so sensitive that my personal spaces need to feel relaxed. I have plenty of what I need and lots of color. My home is small and, therefore, too much clutters easily.

Whatever you choose to do, attach or detach, may your choices make you content. This is not judgment. I am merely sharing how I live my life. It works for me: attachment to the detachment.

I love you! All of you!

Millie