Never say never

My mother had many sayings. One of her favorites, to me, was: "Nunca digas de esta agua no beberé." (Don't ever say from this water I will never drink... again). She would remind me that life has twists and turns and to deny myself of something that may be important was unjust. "Never again," is a powerful instigator!!!

Being an Aries I would say that I would not do this, or that, ever again... to which she would remind me not to say it. Then it would happen again and I would learn to keep my mouth shut. I would do things that I promised myself not to ever do again. I would also find myself having to "drink from that water" because it was a necessity. I would be utterly surprised when I had fallen into the same lessons with different actors in my drama. Life is unpredictable and the lessons will continue to appear until we learn them.

Last night I had a dream with my mother. She's been gone almost 13 years. I told her I was never ever ever going to do this particular thing ever again. She laughed in a sarcastic manner as if reminding me that NEVER was the cupitor of things I really didn't mean to attract. She also reminded me to forgive myself for having to drink from that water I swore never to take. We sat next to each other in the gorgeous library of my old house. She pointed to the lake across the acres and down the hill... "You left here to find peace. Did you find it? No matter how far you run from the most beautiful locations, the most breathtaking homes, you will always be with you. You cannot run from you, Mildred. You have finally begun to walk... not run. This is good. This is a start. But, I trust you will recognize that you may need to drink from that water again and again without feeling guilty for your decisions...."

She said a lot and was kind with her words (that in itself was beautiful to witness how her once-overly enlarged ego was gone). My mother was a powerful woman, an intensed controlling one. I walked on eggshells around her... and for most of my life I picked souls around me who were similar in personalities. They would dominate the relationships and then I would find myself wanting to run, completely out of exhaustion and beaten to the core from my own choosing. (I bet you have experienced this in your life).

I have sat with her message in meditation this morning. I have touched my heart, massaging each word into it. I have decided to make changes in my life this past year. I keep evolving into someone I don't quite know yet. She's pretty fabulous most of the time. She loves to dance. She loves to write and recite the words out loud. She loves to just be alone for long periods of time (that one is a bit more challenging). She loves nature like never before. She chases sunrises and sunsets and whispers to the heavens for the artwork. And this new middle-aged soul is recognizing all the waters she had to drink from in order to survive. She forgives herself for the choices that resulted in some invaluable badassery experiences.

Now you!!!!! You go embrace your badassery. Forgive your choices, your decisions, your life. It has all molded you into this imperfect perfectly aligned spiritual being. And, I am here to remind you that I adore you just as you are.