Just Me
I had a photoshoot today by a dear friend who is an incredible photographer. I needed photos for the book and for my website. I don’t know why I get so nervous to be in front of the camera. I hate it. I have always disliked photos of me.
But… there we stood. Outdoors on a gorgeous autumn mountain day. All these strange emotions took over me and I had to work really hard at just allowing her to do her thing. I trust her. I had to quiet my busy ego who likes to cause havoc on my self-worth.
When I was younger, I did not know I was beautiful. I had partners who made sure I did not know my beauty. So, I worked really hard dieting, dressing, and trying to look the part while having emotional exhaustion. I look at pictures from my 20’s and cannot believe I didn’t recognize the outer beauty while I remember how ugly I felt inside.
Now, at 54, I am curious at how I will perceive myself when I am in my 80’s. I will never be this young again.
As women, we truly create inner turmoil about our appearances. There is a multi-billion-dollar cosmetic business that is gear to let us know we aren’t good enough just as we are. These days it’s my long-gray hair. I get compliments and some “helpful advice” about coloring it dark again. “It makes me look older. It isn’t flattering. You are too young to let yourself go….” I am surprised, and shocked, at how people can give suggestions to others without really recognizing how happy I am to finally be free of the coloring every two weeks. And also, let’s be clear, that I am not asking anyone’s opinion about who and what I am during these years. There are other experiences more important to me than what the outer shell is looking like these days!
There is a sense of freedom that arrives at this time. I wish I had embodied it years ago. Today felt like a new chapter. It also allowed me to stop beating myself up for the extra weight, the wrinkles, and so on. I asked her to give me one of the photos and we agreed on this one for this post. Feels like me every morning in meditation… or when I am deeply touched by someone’s spirit. The aging thingy isn’t for sissies. But I am more comfortable now, with all the “imperfections” than any other time in my life.
If you can go and support Sophia, I would truly appreciate it. Follow her on social media. Her photos are stunning. Here is where you can find her:
https://www.facebook.com/sophiasperspective/
Instagram~ Sophia’sPerspective
It’s a new day. It’s a new way… And I’m feeling good!
I love you,
Millie