When the insignificant becomes significant
Some holidays seem insignificant to me. Mother’s Day is one such day. I believe that when you are a mother you celebrate in that momentum every single day. I usually skip over it. I get cards and calls from my kids and friends are kind enough to remind me that I am, indeed, a mother of a LOT of children. And, while it’s lovely to have a commercialized day to pamper your dear one, I think it creates a little stress in the back burner. It emphasizes too much for others who are going through loss.
Yesterday I was super emotional and did everything possible not to let it overwhelm me. I missed my mother who passed away a month before Mother’s Day on 2008. She did make a huge stink about this day and expected it to be a day of celebration for her. It was important to her. Perhaps that’s also why it’s not to me. However, in the midst of six children in different cities and such, I miss them. I miss having them all around the dinner table and not being a part of the seventh child. I missed having my mother and the glory of this special day to celebrate her greatest in having been guidance for 40 years. So, yes, yesterday was a crappy day. I worked the morning and then we took a Sunday drive with a baby who hates being strapped in her car seat. We drove in silence while she screamed on an off. We tried to keep her busy and finally we gave in. It wasn’t going to work. It was better to be home and have her in her space while we played with her. It was also better for me to allow the emotions to wander off while feeding the fish with her, or taking her to the swing. It was better to get distracted while watching Barney for the 233rd time in a week.
The insignificant became rather significant and by 7PM I was exhausted. I was mentally drained and didn’t even want to verbalize a single syllable. Going to sleep that early allowed me to wake up even earlier than usual. I was up at 1AM sitting in the dark living room. I released it all. I said my prayers. I did a meditation that came out of nowhere showing me a path I had not even considered. I began to think about friends who have lost their children, others who lost their mothers early on, and then I began to count my blessings. There’s nothing like placing myself in another’s life for a few moments to snap me back to gratitude. And, just like that I was able to return to the light of day being the goofy me.
Why do we place so much emphasis on special days? As clueless as I am for certain things I am keen to others. I try not to let these days that are marked on a store-bought calendar become my triggers. But, I also know that Sadness arrives and sits whenever it is bringing along a friend…in this case Awareness. I will never get to sit with my mother and share everything I have done in the past 7 years while she gives me approval or disapproval and a world of great advice. I will most likely never sit with all my children in one space as some have decided not to be part of this family. That’s the thing about moments: while you are going through them you don’t know that they will leave lasting impressions for later. You don’t know that a specific event will be the best memory in a long time and it will become the mark of greatness to other similar moments. They sit quietly in the back of the mind, tucked gently in a corner of the heart, and something will trigger them and you can’t see what’s really important anymore. It’s our spiritual duty to find solace and comfort in understanding that they return for a lesson. Sit with them and allow them to show you why they keep revisiting. What’s missing in your life? Why was that so important and why can’t you have it again? Retrace those memories with openness and acceptance. Often times when we miss something it is because we are being guided to move through a major breakthrough. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t stay in the regrets or the resentments. Forgive the path you took to get you here and all the choices you make every day. That’s life! We are constantly evolving and hopefully in a manner guided by unconditional love, especially for the self.
In days like yesterday I always think of Rumi’s poem: The Guest House. I allow those emotions to visit, and I decorate their room for the day while trying to make them comfortable. Then I let them go off. Each room is a new emotion. It’s all good because I am aware of their visitation. They clear out things that are often forgotten. Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be a sad day. It can be a purging day of emotions and laughter. And just like that the laughter arrived in the darkness of my living room this morning. I began to remember the moments most precious to me with my mother and my children. I remembered things that made me chuckle and I tried to stay as quiet as possible not to wake anyone. It’s all a matter of conscious shift. I refuse to enter another day with a trickling of tears marking my cheeks.
There are more important things happening around us. It isn’t my job to analyze or control those moments but I can choose when they need eviction from my mind. Today is a gorgeous day. As I write this I am watching the fish swimming in the pond as the light casts gently on the water. I hear the birds singing their love songs. And, today my heart is healing. Whatever happened yesterday has allowed for me to re-enter my waking life with a light heart. May you find peace in those moments of release and remember all that is you. You are AWEsome. You are Divine Love at its very best.